Sameera's first and last

The below post is the first and last blog post Sameera had physical control over. It was her wish to start her blog with this post as she believed no one could give her a better introduction than her dad. The introduction of the post was written by Sam one day before she was taken to hospital for the last time.

Through My Father's Eyes!

There is nobody in this world that knows me better than my father and nobody in the world that could describe me better than him. The best way to know who I am is to know how I reflect from my fathers eyes. So instead of me going on to describe myself, I'm just going to share my dads thoughts as it is a more comprehensive description than I could ever give.

 

Here's something he had written about me a couple years ago. Read on and welcome to my world! 

"Even through the glass incubator and the glass door you sent forth signals that you were in control. You were just a cloth bundle, your eyes tightly shut, and was that a smile playing about on your lips? You are the confirmation of our immortality, the answer to our prayers, the unfolding of the miracle called Life.  You allowed us to cradle you in our arms and rewarded us with your impish smile that opens instantly the floodgates of joy. You let us look deep into your large black eyes and read from the volumes of your accumulated wisdom which you would soon unlearn in our foolish desire to educate you.

 

I crawled around with you and I learned to stand and wonder and fearlessly feed grass to giraffes. I struggled with Math and the guitar and my chest burst with pride when you breasted the tape. I hid my sores and forgot my woes as I grew and you did too. And all my failures turned to victories with every win of yours. And yet it was you who grasped my hand looked up in awe and soundlessly said “my papa strongest”.

 

You who walked out in the first flush of youth everyday to conquer the world. You who returned positive and upbeat about the morrow never mind the slings and arrows of the present day. You who taught us that life begins when you want it to and that it has nothing to do with numbers. When you walk out through the door I stand at the window even when I am miles away awaiting your safe return. Your mother was the worrier and your father was the warrior with both roles interchangeable. And yet it was you who grasped my hand looked up with concern and soundlessly said “I missed you Dad”.

 

I heard the silence of your tender heart break before you allowed me in. And on that cold and wet night in the ramshackle home in the mountains when you unburdened your heart of its load I smiled without as I sobbed within. And we wondered at the injustice of it all as you put your head on my shoulder and went off to sleep while I worried whether the cracks would ever fill. Ah!! the resilience of youth.

 

It was easy to resolve to hate any man who threatened to take you away from me. You were under my protection, feeble as it may have been. Could anyone ever understand you the way I do? Could anyone ever know your worth the way I do? But the real question was not that someone would take you away from me. The question was would you go away from me? And it does not seem fair. We nurse and we raise and we nurture and we nourish and then we give you away. You were my little girl who grew up to be my friend. I only hope that I have been worthy of your friendship. That whenever you came up to me hiding not too well all your anxieties, and said Dad!! You got a minute? I was listening with my heart and my soul and not just with my ears."